Mom and Dad donated to the St. Vincent's Hospital Wall of Fame.
Today marks one year since we said hello and goodbye in the same breath to our beautiful daughter McKinley. Truth be told it feels like it was just yesterday. I can distinctly remember everything that happened from Thursday December 6th 2012 until 1:41am on Saturday December 8th 2012. They were, to this point, the longest hours of my life. Throughout this week I have constantly gone back to those few hours. There have been times when I have asked myself "what if...?" While such questions can lead to placing the blame, for things that were out of my control, on myself they have been a source of strength to me. For me, when such questions make their way into my thoughts I take a step back and consider if there was actually anything that I could have changed or done differently. The answer to me that always wins is a resounding no. There was nothing that we could have done differently. While what we do with the situations and circumstances that we are placed in is our choice some of those situations and circumstances are beyond our control. The Lord is in control. He knew that McKinley only needed to visit this earth for a brief moment.
KD & Adam wedding monkeys
McKinley in her seasonal attire.
Throughout the year I have felt our Heavenly Father's love for me. One of the blessings in my life this year as I have dealt with the loss of McKinley has been that of the presence of my niece Gemma Grill here in Billings. Immediately following McKinley's birth I was not sure if I would be able to deal with having Gemma around. Gemma was born almost exactly 1 month prior to Mckinley. As time has moved forward, as it does no matter what, I began to see what a blessing it was to have Gemma around. Whenever I was having a rough day I could go over to Gramma's house and hold Gemma. During the harder part of my transition Gemma served as a surrogate for my own little girl. I loved that Gemma would just cuddle up and go to sleep in my arms, or that she will always come to me. While watching her grow has been hard at points I can picture my own little girl as she grows.
Life never seems to fall how we plan it. I guess that is what makes it such a journey. Every twist and turn, bump and bruise, shapes us into who we become. I am grateful to have been blessed with such a loving and supportive family. I am grateful for a knowledge that my Heavenly Father has provided a way for me to be sealed to my wife and children forever, that even though McKiney did not get to stay here on earth with us we are and always will be her parents. She will always be in my heart and on my mind. I am grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I Love the holiday season. I am grateful for all of those around us who have been there for KD and I through everything. I am grateful for those who have been supportive and shown that they remember my little girl.
McKinley's birthday wreath
Happy Birthday McKinley Allene! I love you!
Families Are Forever.
So it has been a while since I was on here. A lot has happened since my last post. It has been almost a year since McKinley was born, and I miss her every day. a brief list would include I have applied to 16 graduate schools and received rejection letters from 4 already, I am in my final semester of my undergraduate, General Conference, working in Alaska, and helping Nathan and Shannda get their house ready to move in.
I am in the process of waiting to hear back from Graduate Schools, which is by far the worst part about applying for anything. The process began with filling out what seemed like an endless list of things. This ranged from writing down my entire work history, any and all volunteer work I have done, every class I have ever taken at the college level (which ranges all the way back to my junior and Senior years of high school). As well as all sorts of other information. This was the part that took the most time on my part. Then came the money side of it. I had to take the GRE twice because my quantitative score was not what I had hoped for, then I had to send those scores to every school I was going to apply to as well as the application fees and any extra paperwork they required, oh and we can't forget about having to send my transcripts from 3 different schools to all of the schools I was applying to. I really wonder why there is a Centralized Application System when every school still requires us to send all of these documents to them individually. I feel like it kind of defeats the purpose of the whole centralization process. I submitted my application at the beginning of September even though many school's deadlines were not for at least 2 months. After my applications were submitted to the first ten or so school's Kaitie and I continued to look because according to the preliminary analyses of my GPA's for Grad school were not as good as we thought they were going to be because classes we had not considered were counted into the equation. So we found several more schools whose average accepted scores were either below or the same as mine. We filled out all of their information and then submitted the applications hopefully anticipated the results. Well the nice thing was that these school's were not slow in replying and rejecting my application. All of the letters really told me nothing about their reasons for denying me acceptance. After I got the 4th rejection letter from the schools that we had applied to after the fact, because I had a statistically higher chance of acceptance, I jokingly told Kaitie that I was going to post a status saying "4 down 12 to go" because really it feels like that is how this whole thing is going to happen. It's just gonna be a count down.
So after that, I decided I better not put all of my eggs in 16 baskets. So I have begun looking at other careers that I could begin working in. I have already done some Personal Training and am a Certified Personal Trainer through NASM. I have also previously started a web-based business of writing programs for individuals that wish to have a personally tailored program that can be done in whatever time restraints you have. So Kaitie and I have been working on updating and upgrading the website I created over a year ago. So with a little networking by my mom I have decided to try to make this into a viable source of income. One of the greatest benefits is that I can do it whether I get accepted into a physical therapy program or not.
Another of the exciting part of the year was when I went home to work. I went home with no plan other than to talk to a couple of my old bosses and see what I could find for work. I had hoped to make enough money to pay for my tuition and school books for this last semester. I only had 5 weeks in which to earn this money and pay for my plane ticket. I arrived and made a few phone calls. One of my bosses called me back the day I arrived and asked if I could meet him at the airport that afternoon. I made sure I had a vehicle and met him. He introduced me to one of the two possible employers with which I could make fairly good money. The meeting went well and I left knowing that if he got the contract he had just bid on I would have a job the following week. Wednesday evening comes and that same boss calls me and tells me that I need to go meet with the owner of a local construction company. I went expecting to talk with him and get paperwork to fill out and bring back the next day. Instead he said hi and turned me over to the safety guy who ran me thru my new hire orientation and in an hour I was on a job site working. The Lord provided me with a job with the most time to work. I was blessed to make far more than I had expected to make. As well as I got to spend time with my sister who just recently went on a mission to Wichita Kansas.
Recently we were blessed with the counsel of the Lord through his servants. There are several aspects and topics that have been constantly on my mind since October. I would like to revisit one talk in particular. President Thomas S Monson is always one of the more entertaining speakers at conference because he has a story to go along with every principle that he addresses. His talk at the end of the Sunday morning session has stayed with me. The talk is titled "I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." As I listened to President Monson my thoughts went to all of the trials that my family has been through in the last year. These have ranged from the sudden end of my final rugby season(mainly the medical bills) to the current trial of patience and anxiety with waiting on Graduate schools to notify me. This summer I spent most of my time working for free at internships in physical therapy which came with some unexpected trials, which have only recently been resolved. In his talk President Monson speaks about his struggle with the loss of his wife last year. He says:
"When the pathway of life takes a cruel turn, there is the temptation to
ask the question “Why me?” At times there appears to be no light at the
end of the tunnel, no sunrise to end the night’s darkness. We feel
encompassed by the disappointment of shattered dreams and the despair of
vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea, “Is there no
balm in Gilead?”
We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. We are inclined to view our own
personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We become
impatient for a solution to our problems, forgetting that frequently
the heavenly virtue of patience is required."
I am comforted as I continue to read from this talk and President Monson states:
"Our Heavenly Father, who gives us so much to delight in, also knows that
we learn and grow and become stronger as we face and survive the trials
through which we must pass. We know that there are times when we will
experience heartbreaking sorrow, when we will grieve, and when we may be
tested to our limits. However, such difficulties allow us to change for
the better, to rebuild our lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches
us, and to become something different from what we were—better than we
were, more understanding than we were, more empathetic than we were,
with stronger testimonies than we had before."
The Lord will not test us beyond what we are capable of handling. Sometimes it feels like there is no way in which we can persevere and become stronger. These are the times that I have personally found strength in the scriptures. There is no better strength and aid than that of the Holy Ghost and Atonement of Jesus Christ. As I have continued to strengthen my testimony of the Love of our Saviour for me individually I have been able to step back and look at the big picture. Life goes on and
the Lord is only preparing us for the future. President Monson expresses it this way:
"This should be our purpose—to persevere and endure, yes, but also to
become more spiritually refined as we make our way through sunshine and
sorrow. Were it not for challenges to overcome and problems to solve, we
would remain much as we are, with little or no progress toward our goal
of eternal life."
As our personal testimonies of the Saviour grow stronger we can continue to not only "persevere and endure" trials but we can learn and grow in them. I am grateful for all of our friends and family members who have been there for us. I will be forever grateful for those who have been instruments in the Lord's hands in supporting my wife through this difficult year.
So as I said in my previous post my summer plans have been thrown to the dogs. Although despite having such a rough year in some aspects, there have also been plenty of blessings to balance life out. We have been blessed to have moved back close to KD's family and friends who have been here for us. This summer is providing an interesting situation for me. I am in need of around 300 hours of internship so I can graduate in December with my Bachelor's degree in Exercise Science.
At this point I am looking for an internship in the Physical Therapy field that would allow me to do a minimum of 20 hours a week for the entire summer. In the last few days I have had 3 people tell me of 4 different people who I should contact that would provide excellent opportunities. Because of all of the blessings and support we have received in the last year I have decided that I would like to give back to those around me.
As I have been considering what I can do to use the skills and knowledge I have gained through my studies and experiences. I believe that I would like to offer a free summer of training to friends and family here in Billings. I am a Certified Personal Trainer through the National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM). I am aware of the expenses that come with gym memberships and hiring personal trainers. I would like to provide this service free of charge. As I am limited on time, and this will be a side endeavor for me, I will have to limit the number of people whom I can provide the service for. I can help with goals such as weight-loss, muscle tone, athletic performance, and any other health or fitness goal you may have. Since I am not attached to a gym or facility I will be providing exercises and programs that can be performed anywhere. The basis of my programs will be body-weight exercises, although I can also provide guidance and programs adapted to what you like to do and what equipment that you would like to use.
Feel free to contact me if you are interested! Leave a comment, message me on Facebook, or My email is akofak24@gmail.com.
Life has a way of throwing us off of our game. Most of the time it is small things that gradually change our lives. In the last 12 months my life has been tossed about by some pretty big unexpected events. These events effected everything from my Collegiate Rugby career to my religious beliefs. So after a year of the unexpected you would think that I would begin to expect the unexpected. Well apparently I still have not learned that lesson as well as I guess I am supposed to.
Well I will start out a year ago. It is my Senior season on the Brigham Young University Rugby team. In the last 3 seasons I have played 3 different positions. I had to learn the intricacies of a new position every year. So coming into my senior year I was prepared to learn how to play my fourth position in four years. I came into the season prepared to begin playing fullback. First season I learned to play Center mainly. My second season I played mostly 2nd Five, or Inside Center. The third season I played a lot of Wing. So switching positions one more time was to be expected and I had planned with the coaches at the end of Junior year to try out Fullback. So all Fall semester I trained as Fullback. Well when Winter Semester/ Season rolled around I should have expected the unexpected. During our inter-squad scrimmage I was switched for the last 10 minutes to playing Scrumhalf. I really didn't think too much of it until we were in Washington playing the first Big game of the Season against OPSB. Noke, our current Scrumhalf, went down with a knee injury in the first 5 minutes. My name was called and I had to acclimate thru baptism of fire, as we took on one of the top men's programs in the Men's Super League. As the Season continued I got more comfortable and capable in my newest position. So it should have been expected that something would happen to change my career even more. It was during the final minutes of our game against St Mary's. I was in a tackle and due to a teammate that I broke the Anterior Wall of my Frontal Sinus. So this effectively ended my playing career halfway thru my senior year. After this I was forced to take a sideline role. I had to have surgery to repair the break.
The next unexpected event was the decision/inspiration to change schools. I had been considering taking summer classes somewhere so as to help boost my GPA for my Graduate School applications but the Lord made it clear we were to transfer to a small school in Montana. Once here for the summer we lived with KD's parents so we could save all of the money we made during the summer. The transfer has been a blessing in my life although it has been slightly harder for KD. This changed my life unexpectedly because I have lived on my own minus summers since 2005. So it has been a change to be living under someone else's roof.
The third and probably the most unexpected change that has taken place happened in December. KD and I were expecting an addition to our small family, part of the reason why we had decided to continue to live at home rather than find an apartment. Due to unexpected events we lost our daughter prior to birth. (for more detail see http://itcouldhappentoyou2.blogspot.com).
So now you are probably thinking what else could happen that this guy would not be expecting. Well there was one more event so far in the last 12 months that has changed my life dramatically. I applied for a paid full-time internship with Alyeska Pipeline back home in Alaska. With my dad knowing the person who is in charge of the position I applied for I had insider information that I was the only applicant and that Alyeska had set aside the funds for the position. So naturally I began making tentative plans to spend the summer back home. I had my phone interview and although it was not my brightest moment I felt I did well enough to secure the position. After the interview they told me they would contact me no later than the 28th of February to tell me if I got the position or not. So I began the wait. My interview was on the 14th of February. Two weeks went by and I had not heard anything except my parents making plans for sleeping and transportation arrangements. So Thursday the 28th comes around and I check my email while sitting at work at school. There is a generic rejection email from Alyeska. I did not get the internship. I was counting on this internship so I could earn my final 6 internship credits for graduation in December. So now what?
After the year I have had I hope that I have learned to expect the unexpected. Hopefully the next unexpected event will be on a more positive note than most of those I have outlined here. Life has a funny way of showing you what is truly important.
